Small things do count.

It feels so right now, hold me tight,
Tell me I'm the only one,
And then I might,
Never be the lonely one.
So hold me tight, to-night, to-night,
It's you,
You, you, youuuu.

The Beatles | Hold Me Tight

I melt like a marshmallow when he does what he does.

I wish I could tell you: the only reason why I'm so scared of losing you is because I love you.

Come with me
My love
To the sea
The sea of love

I want to tell you
how much
I love you

-Sea of Love | Cat Power

"Just trust me, ok?"

Yeah, I do. And yesterday was incredible.

But I hope you meant everything you said. Because if you were just getting carried away with the moment, or you just wanted to say something to keep me happy, I would rather that you didn't.

I want so badly to just forget everything I'm worried about. I just want to completely take in everything you say, everything you do, everything I feel... But sometimes, when I remember how confusing what we have had become in the past, I want nothing more than to not feel as much as I do. So that, at the end of the day, if ever you tell me that you think you're unprepared for this, I won't hurt so much anymore.

Yesterday, I told myself that it'll all be uphill from here on. Please don't let me down. I don't wanna cry anymore.

Dilemma.

What's the "right" thing to do anyway? Is there even such a thing? Either way no one wins.

I wish I could disappear for a few days.

I wanna sit by the shore, bury my feet under the sand, stare out into the sea...AND NOT THINK.

Just when I feel like everything is going so well and nothing could get any better... Drama. The mean reds. And then some.

When did everyone's lives start being so complicated?

I feel so useless. I suck at comforting people.

UGGGGHHHH I wanna go ouuuut!!!

~Hormones. Woopooshhhhhhh.

I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling right now. It's like, all of a sudden the pressure has sunken in and I feel so uncertain about what to do with my life at this point. I wish I could go back to high school, you know? Everything was just so simple back then.

I didn't take Creative Writing in college 'coz my parents were scared I'd end up like some penniless art-for-art's-sake type of individual. And to some extent, I guess I shared that fear. Even back then I had no intention of leeching off my folks forever.

So I eventually ended up taking AB Communication. It was a compromise. It'd give me the "options" I would need in order to find a job after college, but at the same time would still allow me to let my creative juices flow. But despite my original plan from way back in HS--to take a few months off after college to write a novel--I somehow ended up in this OMG-why-am-I-still-jobless state, just a month after graduation.

It's all about the money now. Paying the bills and all that jazz. Even I've become a bit of a sell-out, I guess. I would've killed myself before going "commercial" before, but now I'm actually SERIOUSLY looking for a job in ad. Now you can't get more commercial than that.

Maybe many years from now, when I have enough money in the bank to  thrive on for a year or so, I can finally write again. The way I used to when I didn't have to worry about the practicality or impracticality of "this" or "that" task, or job, or whatever.

I miss high school. I miss not having "more important things" to do. And making art for art's sake. And writing with nothing else on my mind but my stories.

Why does the real world have to be so lame?